Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
