We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
