How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
