I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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