Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
