Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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