youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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