Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
