How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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