did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
