Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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