what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
