..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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