shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
