I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My friends, they love my intelligence
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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