M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
