Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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