I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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