how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
