we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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