Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
