I want to make a zoo with you.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
