We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
