I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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