a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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