I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
