Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
