just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
