I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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