can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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