He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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