Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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