I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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