I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A+ Viking dick
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
