I can tuck mytits in my pants
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
