So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
