Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
