i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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