Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
