what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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