I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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