whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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