Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
