I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
