I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
