bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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