so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
