why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
