Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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