She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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