remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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